if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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