She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
