better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
