Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
