I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
