apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
