The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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