Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
