I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
