i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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