My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
