i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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