They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
