Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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