Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
