Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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