My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
