It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
