My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
