you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
