I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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