Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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