I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
COCAINE IS GR8
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
