Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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