1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just pee around me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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