How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
