Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
