absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
