she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
