I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
