you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
