You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
