dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
