I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
