now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
