I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
