it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
