Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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