my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
