I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
