dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
