just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
