good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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