3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
