Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
time to smoke my breakfast
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
