Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
