Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
