This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
