my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
