woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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